


Of Hardcore Shippers and Near-sighted Chiefs

by jessng



Category: Lord of the Flies - William Golding
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Crack, Fluff and Crack, M/M, OOC everyone, Out of Character, Roger is the original Jalph fanboy, This Is Why We Can't Have Nice Things, hardcore shipper roger, jalph - Freeform, near-sighted jack but he refuses to wear his specs anyway, what even is this
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-11
Updated: 2016-06-11
Packaged: 2018-07-14 10:17:54
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7167140
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jessng/pseuds/jessng
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"Roger, no."</p><p>Roger ships Jalph with the burning of a thousand suns.</p><p>(Was previously titled "My Pathetic Attempt at Humor")</p><p>Comments are greatly appreciated.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Of Hardcore Shippers and Near-sighted Chiefs

**Author's Note:**

> Brace yourselves, here comes the ooc-ness.

"Chief!" Roger suddenly nudged Jack's arm, giving him goosebumps. Jack turned around, irritated stare focused on the other boy.

"What?"

A prolonged silence followed the chief's answer.

"Do you like Ralph?"

"What?"

Roger's question actually managed to make Jack flush a little. He swallowed, then snatched his arm out of Roger's hands.

"Roger, no! Of course not. It's wrong, plus Ralph is–" Jack stopped for a while to think of a word, but Roger's constant stare made him unable to do so. He felt his heart beating faster at the mention of the name "–Ralph is Ralph, and I don't like him– I mean I hate him! He's annoying, he just gives orders, he can't sing, he can't hunt, he has nice eyes– I mean his rules are nonsense! I bloody lik– hate him!"

Roger kept staring at Jack and let him finish his monologue where he fought himself in the everlasting battle of not admitting to like Ralph. Then, his gaze moved to what Jack had carved on the tree in front of them earlier. The hunters were also there, some of them scattered around the tree. They were planning another attack on the pigs, and Roger was asking if they could eat Piggy for dessert when they finished the pig when the whole topic revolving around the fair-haired chief began.

"But you've just carved Ralph's name on the tree." Roger said, his eyes innocently glued to the four letters that should have been the pig-attack plan on the tree trunk. "Let me spell it. R-A-L-F–"

It was not long before Roger's mouth was covered by Jack's palm. The other hunters were starting to notice, so Jack removed his hands from Roger's mouth and covered the tree.

"But you misspelled–"

"Shut up!"

The hands were on Roger's mouth again.

"Listen, you bloody idiot. Ralph is the closest to a girl on this island, so–" Jack flustered, again, he removed his hands from the other's mouth and put one of them on the tree bark "–so it's natural to like him, you know, because– because Ralph's like a girl!"

"So you're admitting it?"

"Roger, no."

"Roger, yes." Roger replied, grinning cheekily. "You have to tell him!"

"Roger, no." The reply was mechanical. Roger looked at Jack with pleading eyes.

"Please? Pretty please? Pretty pretty please?"

Jack's face was contorted into a weird expression of annoyed and slightly disturbed.

"Fine."

Roger started dancing around, happily singing something that Jack only made out when he had almost finished his sentence.

"Chief and Ralph, under a tree, K-I-S-S-I–"

"Will you shut up?"

Again, Jack had to cover Roger's mouth with his hands.

* * *

Attempt number one:

"So chief, you stand here, I'll go get Ralph, remember what I told you to tell him?"

Jack nodded.

Roger went to Ralph, by the beach, as usual, and tried to put on the most serious face he knew. He hissed at Piggy, making the poor boy scramble to as close to Ralph as possible. Roger smiled a little at that reaction.

"Ralph! Ralph! Chie– I mean Jack got stuck under a hole in the jungle!" Roger called out, nudging Ralph's arm. The fair-haired boy turned to him.

"What? That bloody idiot." He sighed, putting the stick in his hand down. "Lead me to him." He followed Roger into the jungle. They walked pass a tree that clearly had Ralph's name on it, and another that had a pig-attack plan.

They walked until they got to a clearing and Jack was standing there, obviously not trapped under any hole. Ralph was confused, but Roger pushed him towards Jack. He put both his hands on his hips, his brows raised.

"What, Jack?"

There was silence. Then, Jack aggressively put both his hands on Ralph's shoulders, his face starting to turn red.

"Bloody listen, Ralph. I'll only say this once so you'd better hear it." At first, Jack's voice was loud, but it got smaller near the end of the sentence. "What I want to say is–" He tried to remember what Roger told him, but his mind ended up a mess "–what I mean is– I–"

Suddenly, he saw Roger standing behind a bush, raising a tree bark with white clay smeared on it that looked like letters. He squinted, trying to make out the words. Jack could not see clearly pass three feet, but he would always refuse to wear his spectacles. Now that the spectacles had been washed out to the sea, along with the remainders of the plane and probably some children stuck in it, he felt himself being pathetic.

"What I want to say is– I.. b-bike? No, light?" He saw Roger slapping his own face with his palm. He squinted again, then snapped. "What the bloody hell did you write, Roger?" He yelled to Roger behind the bush, the other quickly ducked to hide before Ralph saw him.

"Look, I think the heat has somehow gotten to you, and it's better if we leave this for later. Okay? Good." Not waiting for Jack to agree, Ralph picked his way back to the platform.

* * *

"But you have to tell him, chief." Roger wailed, holding Jack's arm back. "Or else you'll never kiss! And I want to see that happening!" He tried to keep himself as quiet as possible, since it was the middle of the night.

"Roger, first of all, ew. Why would you want to see me kissing Ralph. And, seriously, what part of go-to-bed don't you understand?" Jack snatched his arm out of Roger's grip and started walking away. "Plus, stop using our face paint to draw me and Ralph kissing! You're wasting them!"

He walked down the slope of the jungle, hoping that Roger would not bug him anymore. He was wrong.

"If you don't, I'll cover every rock on the island with drawings of you and Ralph kissing until he notices, and when he does, I'll tell him that you did it!"

Jack flinched. He did not know Roger. He did not hear anything.

But the words kept echoing in his ears. Just the thought of them made him shrug. He turned back, vowing that it would be the last time he did something this embarrassing.

"Fine."

Jack heard Roger cheering loudly in the middle of the night.

* * *

Attempt number two:

The next day, Jack and Roger found Ralph in the jungle. It was then that Roger had decided to use sign language. He hid behind a bush again, not really far from there, while Jack approached Ralph.

"Ralph."

"Oh, Jack, hullo, just.. standing here a bit." Ralph replied while turning back to face Jack. The blond hair in the wind made butterflies flutter in Jack's stomach, oddly.

"About yesterday–" Jack started twisting his fingers together, he was especially weird these days, he noticed.

"Oh, right. Have you got better?"

"Y-Yeah. Look, I know I kind of messed up yesterday, and–" Jack felt Ralph's hand on his forehead and his heart thumped loudly. Still, he could here Roger's tiny scream from behind the bush. What was the deal with him anyway?

"Okay, carry on." Ralph's hand retreated.

"I–uh.."

Roger was standing behind the bush, he started thinking of the signals he would give to Jack.

"What I meant was that I–"

There was no time to think of signals anymore. Roger cupped his hands to form a heart. Jack squinted again.

"Heart?"

Roger shook his head and put his thumb up. Jack was more confused than ever.

"Thumbs up? Uh.."

Roger pointed at Jack (but Jack mistakenly thought he pointed at Ralph), then made a heart, and pointed at Ralph.

"You.. heart.. you– wait what? Roger!" Jack snapped again and glared daggers at the hidden Roger. Ralph turned around, but saw no one. He let out a long sigh and took Jack's hand, leading him back to the platform.

"I think you've been under the sun too much today, come on now, back to the shelters, and no going out until dark."

Jack followed obediently, behind him was the excited chuckle of Roger.

* * *

Roger walked along the beach. How would he do it? He needed an ally. Someone who was close to Ralph. He thought of Piggy, but immediately refused the idea. He hated that kid too much. What about Samneric? No, he hated them, too. Then, Roger considered Simon. He was batty, but Roger did not hate him that much. Making his way into the jungle, Roger smiled again. He had just finished another drawing of Jack and Ralph making out.

* * *

Attempt number three:

"Ralph." Simon timidly approached the fair-haired chief who was working on rebuilding a collapsed shelter.

"What, Simon?" Ralph stopped working to talk to Simon. The other boy nervously looked away.

"Uh– Jack was walking in the forest when h-he tripped and his ankle got injured, a-and we couldn't carry him, so can you.."

Ralph sighed.

"Fine, lead me to him. This'd better not be like last time." They walked through the jungle again, this time to one of the well-hidden spots in the jungle. Creepers hung loosely, forming a sort of curtain. The jungle closed in on them, a few cicadas cried somewhere around there. "How can he possibly fracture his ankle here?" Ralph questioned.

"J-Just get in."

Ralph came in to a grimacing Jack. He sighed again, but was relieved that it was not a joke or something like that. He knelt down before Jack, feeling the creepy and intense stare of someone behind him, but when he turned around, no one was there. Ralph remembered how his father would treat him if he fractured his ankles during one of his football practice and treated Jack's ankle the same way. He heard someone giggling behind him.

"Ralph, about that thing yesterday–" Jack suddenly spoke up.

"Let's just forget about whatever that thing is and move on, shall we?" Ralph said, lifting his head to look at Jack.

"No, I have to tell you it and you should bloody listen! That's what I shall do!"

It took a moment for Ralph to come back to his senses after Jack's shout.

"Okay, I'm all ears." He stopped working on Jack's ankle and just stared at him.

Jack took a deep breath. Behind Ralph, between the creepers, was a tree bark. On it written what he had to say in Simon's much-better-than-Roger's handwriting. He swallowed.

"Ralph, I like you." He read what was written on the bark. "More than a friend."

This froze Ralph.

Another tree bark replaced the previous one, but it had only one word on it. Jack's face was contorted into an expression of disgust, but he decided that he would do it anyway. He lowered his head and pecked Ralph on the corner of his lips.

This froze Ralph even more.

A shout from behind the creeper curtains ruined the moment. It was Roger's.

"Maurice! You won't even believe what Ralph and Jack did today!"

Ralph's face darkened. An eerie aura surrounded him. He opened his palm in front of Jack's face. Jack could hear the sound of teeth gritting. It was the first time he had felt so frightened in his life.

"Jack, knife."


End file.
